On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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