just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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