am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he thought i was a dude.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
