you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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