is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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