I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
