Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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