Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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