In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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