Your tits are I can't wait for
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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