I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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