I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
