Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
