I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
