she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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