If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
