your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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