we have pet lesbian snakes
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
