yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
