Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
