On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
