he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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