if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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