too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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