My room smells like vodka and shame
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
