summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
that may or may not have been my penis.
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