Got a toothbrush?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
