You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
