I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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