Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
