yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
