i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
