she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
