i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
