You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
