In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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