Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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