there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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