Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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