I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
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I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
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There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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