He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
