I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
