If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
