I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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