there's paper in my vomit.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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