Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
