Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
