You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
pray to the hookup gods
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
