I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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