; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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