idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
