I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
