Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
