Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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