You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
