im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
