just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
