At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
