He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
