if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i think i just lost a toe
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You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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