She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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