Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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