So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
