So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
