note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
