I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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