weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
