I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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