just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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