Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize