So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
