we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
