By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im holly from the hills drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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